Week three of diminishing concentration

I’ve spent a great deal of time this week looking out of my window.

I look at the Church and the small closed shops, the other apartments and the Spire. I watch the empty street until a person passes. If they have a dog with them all the better, but I don’t mind if they’re alone. It’s good if they have some detail of interest, like a funny type of walk or an interesting shopping bag. I like the people who wear hats. It’s ok if they don’t as well. Some of the people pop into the Church to pray, but I like to imagine that they have a secret rendezvous with their lockdown lover, or a meeting with an old friend from outside of the 2km zone.

Maybe they’re just praying though, who knows.

Sometimes when I’m looking out of my window, I like to recite poetry.

“The old order changeth, yielding place to new,
And God fulfils himself in many ways,
Lest one good custom should corrupt the world.
Comfort thyself: what comfort is in me?”

Only kidding!

Of course I’m not doing that yet. No, we are much more Beckett than Tennyson in this household anyway. It’s much more like…

What time is it now?
Now? The time now is Now.
Will it always be Now?
No. Soon there will be After Now. Wait, is that someone sounding in the hallway, do you hear them? Are their hands washed?

A lot of people are struggling with time and numbers this week. It’s all gone a bit elastic hasn’t it? It’s like a big, long, never-ending-all-consuming piece of elastic. Some people didn’t know if the clocks were going forwards or backwards last weekend, and there was worry about the circumference of a 2km radius here in Ireland, when the new restrictions came into place. Basically, anything to do with numbers or rationale or time was just a little bit challenging for most of us because I believe we all said farewell to Concentration this week. We also seemed to have said so long and adieu to Patience and Tolerance too, who packed up their bags and left late on Wednesday. I waved goodbye to them from my window screen and they waved gleefully back from the LUAS, while practising responsible social distancing, of course.
It’s a shame these three things have gone just as virtual reality has become reality, because I think we might need them more than ever. The Internet was a fine distraction or a sweet treat from work, but now that it is work, rest and social time, it’s really rather exhausting isn’t it?

Hi, I’m having this really cool event.
Where are you having it?
Wait, wait until I tell you…I’m having it…online!
Online! My god what an incredible idea! Whatever made you think of doing it virtually and online? You are indeed a blessed genius in our midst!

The internet is where we see that while we are all affected by this thing, the impact of it is quite different from person to person. Some of us can self-isolate in castles with Gucci face masks and a full staff, and some of us can’t wash our hands in clean water. As the Italian novelist, Francesca Melandri said recently “that boat in which you’ll be sailing in order to defeat the epidemic will not look the same to everyone nor is it actually the same for everyone: it never was”. And if you don’t believe me or Melandri, then re-watch Titanic. They were literally in the same boat and not in the same boat!

That’s how different our boats are.

The internet is also where we follow the movements of the Virus and we make our own deals and appeasements with it daily, don’t we? We whisper “please Virus, don’t take my people, please Virus, leave my people safe”.

And the adverts, the online adverts? Did you notice how quickly they started trying to sell us stuff online though? I’ve already seen adverts for cashmere lounging outfits that are “perfect for working from home” and high-end hand creams that are “essential after all of this handwashing”. I’ve seen adverts for luxurious slippers and Peloton Bikes. It took less than three weeks for them to identify and cater for our new desires. I feel like telling them, “look guys, I don’t have time for all this online consumerism, OK? I’m far too busy eating, looking out of my window and watching The Tiger King. I also have to monitor the movements of my Spider Plant and nap, so I really don’t have time for shopping. Leave me be”.

But to go back to Concentration (sorry, I was getting distracted there), isn’t it a shame that it went away before we could really make any proper sense out of all this? We keep comparing the new reality to fiction don’t we, like the Twilight Zone, or Black Mirror, or The Handmaid’s Tale. We wonder if it might be an extravagant piece of performance art by Derren Brown or we ponder if we might already be in the future and are watching our own simulations subjectively. But as the Virus is new and our global response to it unprecedented, we don’t have anything to compare it to. It simply is what it is. That might leave us feeling a bit weepy or in a loop, but it is what it is. People are still having babies, and getting married and completing their PhDs and writing haikus. In between managing the fear for those we love, we are still going for walks, and taking photos of sunsets, we’re making bread for the first time and contemplating crochet. Our friends make us laugh daily and, the life moves on.

It simply is what it is, and the life moves on.

But anyway, I’ll leave you this week with some advice from an account I follow on Twitter. It’s a joyful and funny account and I think you might like it too. Well done this week, by the way, well done you! Whatever your challenges are, you’ve managed them again this week, and although it might not be pretty, you are getting through this thing. I think you’re fabulous and I think you’re fine. So take kind care of your good self and I’ll see you next week.

@mindflakes “Sometimes the best thing you can do in any situation is grab a microwave by the power cord and swing it in big circles around your head”.