Unofficial guidelines for wading through your labyrinth

Don’t feel homesick for the life you once led. It won’t help you through the day-to-days and it might even leave you melancholy. Best to keep busy, exercise daily and eat lots of fruit. Do try and sleep a regular eight hours per day and don’t dream too much about castles in the clouds or combative dragons, as this will leave you restless.

Don’t quarrel and quibble over matters of no consequence, why battle with those things that don’t matter?

Do realise that there is no such thing as objective reality or absolute truth and that your existence itself is debatable.

Do go outside carefully (if you enjoy being outside) or stay indoors if that’s your cup of tea. Drink tea! Plenty of Earl Grey with milk from a special china cup that makes you smile because it was a gift from a friend. Never drink this tea while you’re reading messages or reliving old conversations with arch rivals. Rather, pay the tea and the cup the attention they deserve. If you would like to have a small piece of chocolate cake or a biscuit to go with it then good for you.

Run, skip, laugh, sleep.

Stand, stop, close your eyes and feel the sun on the part of your face the mask doesn’t cover.

Buy some candles.

Watch a film with Goldie Hawn in it.

Listen to the radio.

If you must listen to the news listen to it in a language you’re unfamiliar with, like Mongolian or Silbo Gomero. If you like, read the news in one of these languages too.

Plan a holiday. Don’t buy the tickets yet but imagine what you’d like to do in late summer. Maybe you would enjoy a ten-day ayahuasca holiday in the Peruvian Amazon, or a rented cottage in west Cork? Maybe you would happily give away your soul for a weekend in south Wales, or you might prefer a winter trip instead.

Don’t be too harsh on yourself for spending longer than you planned on your social media sites. They were deliberately designed that way.

Do talk to your plants about your day and tell them about the things that frustrate you.

Don’t spend time finishing a book or a film that you’re not enjoying – leave it there, give up on it, walk away.

Look at old photos and remember the smells that went with them, then have a drink and take a break without guilt.

Nap after lunch for a maximum of 90 minutes. If it goes over 90 minutes then you’ll have to call it sleep.

Don’t be meanspirited to the other people in your household or the strangers in the street who do things you Strongly Disagree With. They are tired of wading through their own labyrinth of shit and are probably fed up with you too.

Don’t be disheartened that you’re not as wise or kind as you hoped you would be, but spiteful and small minded instead. Definitely don’t worry if you still don’t know what you’re doing. No one does. Some people are just better at pretending.

Don’t worry that your trip to the supermarket takes so long. Being angry won’t speed up the queue. Being angry about this is like being a fly, trapped inside, bashing itself relentlessly against a glass window pane, on a sunny afternoon in July.

Remove the word “productive” from your lexicon and replace it with more interesting vocabulary. Say instead that the meeting was pulchritudinous, that the email was full of serendipity and that the report was like a freshly made jar of marmalade.

Do live in a country with a female leader as you’re less likely to die from this virus if that’s so. If you feel it’s too bothersome to emigrate right now, then ensure you’re a white, heterosexual member of the middle class with secure housing, and the ability to work from home instead.

Love fully, grieve fully, cry fully, rest.

Don’t mourn in a half-arsed way, mourning deserves more than that. Mourn in full technicolour with high pitched voices, and when you’re finished with mourning, mourn some more. Your grief is yours alone and it can be ugly. Don’t leave it unattended for too long.

Don’t be alarmed if you feel discombobulated right now, there is much discombobulation to be found. This now, is the height of the incomprehensible, as we’re further away from home than before.

Don’t think too much about post-pandemic life. Either things will get better, or they won’t. Do what you can to promote a kinder way, do what you can and sit down. Go and sit on the nearest bit of grass and listen to the sounds that surround you. Notice how the birds, construction, trees and traffic hardly ever perform the same symphony twice.

Do continue to read these weekly blogs. Unread words can be so terribly lonely. It means a lot to me that you continue to stop by. You are a beautiful, golden May sunset and do believe you’re ready for the next of it. Don’t mind these guidelines for wading through your labyrinth, except “do believe you’re ready for the next of it”.