Week four of spread out memories

I’m a lot more skittish when I’m outside now.

I look like I’m auditioning for River Dance with my high jumps and skips. I can be walking down the pavement quite calmly until I see another human, and then I leap into the road like a member of London Contemporary Dance Theatre in order to avoid being within 6 feet of them. There I continue with a free spin and a heel turn, and I like to finish with a plie or the moonwalk. The performance changes daily as it’s improvised rather than rehearsed, but I really do feel I’m getting good at twitchy arabesques.

Of course there are some people I avoid more than others.

I hate the people who spit and the people who drink their take-away coffees while they are in the queues for the supermarket. I don’t like the people who keep looking at their mobiles while they’re walking and I’m not very fond of the couples who take up the entire pavements either. These people make me more nervous and tense and so my irrational dislike of them grows exponentially after every outside visit and it never occurs to me that they could be frightened of me too.

Never.

Week four wasn’t a great week for the joggers though was it? It wasn’t easy for those people who own second homes or caravans by the beach either, nor was it great for people who believed that dropping a couple of Easter eggs off at a family home was essential travel. Still at least this meant that those who take their children to the supermarkets got a break this week, as we all concentrated on the other people to boo at and to hiss at and to hate.

First, they came for the joggers.

The problem with blind hatred though is that people can belong to more than one group. So while I’m perfectly entitled to pick up my pitch fork against the person looking at their mobile phone while walking down the street, what if I later find out that they’ve just finished a 12 hour shift at the hospital and are sending a text to let the babysitter know that they are going to be late home? What then? Can I still hate them? No, not really…but this is the problem because I want to hate them for their inconsiderate, hopeless, reckless, maybe even murderous behaviour on the pavement. But I also want to reward them for their front line, essential service.

It’s getting tricky isn’t it?

All I know for sure though is that it’s better to be shouting at rather than to be shouted at, so I’m just keeping my head down and out of the online debates. I wonder who it will be next week? The people who chew gum, or the smokers, the people who walk their dogs or those with highly pitched, vapour filled laughter?

I wonder.

But anyway, Week Four for me was all about eating my body weight in chocolate while constantly holding a hot water bottle to my tummy for reassurance and calm. How was it for you? Not exactly what we planned for the week before Easter, was it? But here we are. Here we are.

Actually, this week was all about memories for me. I’ve been drifting in and out of oceans of reminiscences that meander back and forth like the tide itself. The other day I spent just ages thinking about the first car my mother ever bought. It was a blue, two door, Ford Escort that never started on the first go. We would have to push it or jump it or let it roll down the steep hill at the end of our street to get it going and just thinking about it made me smile. My mother bought it just after she passed her driving test and she loved it more than anything else she ever owned. She really did love that car, and when I was thinking about it the other day, I could smell the interior and feel those leather seats.

Oh, but isn’t there also so much love about?

In amidst all the panic and the worry and the fear I’m seeing these infinite atoms of love. No one is really worried about their own health or safety, but only for their older ones, their younger ones, their already sicker ones and their front-line, essential ones. All we want to do is protect them and keep them safe and envelope them with our love. Even the ones we don’t even like that much, like those who spit and drink take away coffees and take up too much space on the pavements. We even want to protect them too.

Like I said, it’s getting tricky isn’t it.

But well done you, yes you, well done! You’ve reached the end of week four and you’re managing it all just fine. The moon has been all the way around planet earth since we’ve been living like this, and no doubt it will go around again. Yes, there’s no doubt about it, it will go around again.

So I’ll leave you this week with a very strong recommendation and some good advice. Do not, I repeat, do not go googling Male Finish Shouting Choirs because I’m afraid that you’ll find it very upsetting and uncomfortable and alarming. So whatever you do, don’t do that! That’s my top tip for week four – you heard it here first!

You’re very welcome.

Now take great care and I’ll see you next week.