No Reading in the Library

It all started when the Head Librarian put a notice on the wall, which said “No Loitering in the Library” and we all thought it was a good thing.  Jenny-Ann, Stewart, Em Em and I had noticed that the wrong type of person seemed to be hanging around our library.  That type that will just sit around on the big oak table, reading the magazines, checking the free internet.  That type that might not even know the difference between a metaphor or a simile, the type that can give a small well-run-community library a bad name.

Jenny-Ann, Stewart, Em Em and I are the working committee for the Contemporary American Literature Book Club that meets every Tuesday lunch time.  In order to organise the book club, the committee has to also meet every Wednesday and second Friday too, because as you can imagine, there’s a lot to do.

So when we first saw the “No Loitering in the Library” sign, I said to Jenny-Ann “well I for one welcome that sign” and she said “it didn’t come a moment too soon”.

Our committee has been through a lot of changes of late, no one could deny that.  Ever since Jenny-Ann and Stewart got divorced, and Em Em put on all that weight again, things have been strained.  I’ve been trying to guide our ship through quite some choppy water, I can tell you.  And I don’t always feel fully supported in my role as Acting Chairperson either.  Em Em is so depressed right now, and Stewart is a shadow of his former self.

And then they put up another sign.

The second sign told library users that CCTV was now in operation, and again our first reaction was that this was a good thing.  In fact, it brought us all a little comic relief after all of the tension, because Stewart made a joke about the CCTV.  He said “imagine if they filmed someone stealing a book from the Old Norse Section.  And then imagine that the police caught the thief by tricking him into confession, by asking him a question in modern day Danish!”

Em Em and I laughed at that idea for ages.  We always found Stewart very witty.

But then Jenny-Ann said that Stewart had always had racist undertones when it came to the Scandinavians, and that his insinuation that the thief had to identify as male was sexist.  And then Stewart said that Jenny-Ann had always been a manipulative, judgemental cunt and he wished he’d never met her!

Well things just went from bad to worse then.

Em Em got so upset, she left without even proof-reading her review on the latest Franzen novel.  And I resigned from my role as Acting Chair.  The group disbanded and then one Tuesday I came into the library to see a sign that said “No Reading the Library” and so I handed in my library card, and I left for good.

I go swimming on Tuesdays now, and I don’t miss that place at all.